I have mentioned to you guys how busy I’ve been lately and I mentioned in my last few blogs how pressed I feel, but some how I still managed to get into a very familiar roe with my hubby over, of all things, whose more exhausted.
Now I know a lot you ladies who read my blog are working moms, and many of you have husbands so I bet this argument sounds quite familiar to you too. We were sitting on the couch, he had just gotten home from work and I was in the middle of a very long day with our five children. We were both tired and hungry and my husband turned to me and said, “What’s for dinner? I don’t smell anything?” That my friends was the start of our very own Cuban Missile Crisis! We got into this back and forth debate about who had the more difficult job and who’s life was full of more work. We were both trying to convince each other that our day was longer, more difficult and more exhausting than the other person’s day. After about ten minutes I finally relented and decided to let the kids eat whatever they could find.
I would like to think that I won because he ended up cooking dinner, but I think it would be more accurate to say that everybody won because we all ate a hot meal. The thing is we seem to be competing for worst day ever more and more these days. I don’t know why that is, maybe because we’re both tired parents, or possibly because we both want empathy from the other person.
Everyone wants to feel valued and appreciated, we all want to feel like our spouse understands how important our role is to the way our family functions. Yet, the question that I have to ask myself is why do I feel the need to have my husband validate my worth as a wife and mother by always acknowledging that I have the harder job, or do the most work? More and more I crave empathy from him and I think he needs that from me too. I want my husband to let me know that he understands how difficult it is for me to do the things that I’m doing day in and day out, and if he doesn’t I start to feel like maybe he doesn’t appreciate me enough. Even as I’m writing this I’m wondering does he need that same thing from me as well.
Although we’ve only been married for eleven years I think I have discovered that we both need a lot of the same things. The trick of the enemy seems to be isolation, and to divide and conquer. If he can convince you that you are all alone and that no one else is going through what you’re experiencing, and if he can divide us and make us think that the other person doesn’t want to understand what you’re going through, then our relationship will be in serious trouble.
The bible talks about two being better than one and how important it is that what God brings together not being separated. Unfortunately, not showing enough empathy and compassion for our husbands or wives(if you’re a guy) can really harm your relationship. After a long hard day, I don’t always feel like making sure my husband feels like I understand how hard his day was and that I care about his issues just as much as my own, but that’s how good marriages become great marriages. Love is long suffering and very compassionate. When you love someone you show them by freely giving your compassion and your listening ear.
Having said all that you guys know that I’m not a perfect wife or anything like that, but I am open to growing and learning new things. How about sharing some of your best advice in the comment section. I would love to know how you guys handle empathy and compassion in your relationships. Thanks for stopping by.