This afternoon my husband and I were having a really deep discussion about our lives and all the lessons we’ve learned since we got married, and he was really opening up to me about his journey. Somehow we got onto the topic of me not working outside the home and how he has struggled at times to accept that because he was thinking of all the money that we wouldn’t be making.
Now this didn’t surprise me because we’ve always gone back and forth about what would happen if I worked, or how much more we could afford if I had a job, but it has always been from my perspective. I’m normally the one who is more vocal about the fact that I wish I had the money to by a new purse, or the latest model car, so it was completely new for me to actually hear my husband confess that he struggled with that as well. However he ended his confession by saying something like, “but I realized that I was being selfish and that you really didn’t have time to work because you were too busy with kids and the house stuff.”
Now ladies, when he said that I was just dumbfounded, that he didn’t see the ironicalness of what he said, I could not work outside the home because I was too busy working inside the home. What? I told him that it took me so long, eleven years to be exact, to finally realize that I have worth and value even if I’m not being recognized, even if no one else can see it, even if it’s not glamorous, and even if I don’t make an annual salary. I have worth and my, “job” is important and without me my husband and my family could not function without me. This is not me tooting my own horn, or claiming to have it all together, because you guys know I don’t. This is me telling my 25-year-old self, my 30-year-old self, that I have great value, and great worth. This is me finally giving my self a pat on the back, a thumbs up, and a blue ribbon. I needed so desperately for someone to come along and reassure me that I was doing a good thing, an important work, that my family needed me to do exactly what I was doing. I’m sure I still would have had struggles and times when I felt like I wasn’t being effective, but it would’ve make such a huge impact on my life to just hear the words.
After I said this he was quick to make sure that I knew how much he appreciated me and loved me and all that jazz, and I appreciated that. What I realized though is that what mattered the most is that I knew it about myself, and I didn’t need anyone else to tell me. I have finally made it to the place where I no longer need to hear someone else say those words to me, because I fervently believe them about myself. It took a lot of pain and fighting to get to this point, but I made it now and I will never feel that way about myself again.
I know that I have value, even if nobody else can see it, and trust me most of my family members still ask me when am I going to use my degree? I still get the question, “What do you do all day?”
My husband is human and he is not a robot, and I acknowledge that, but I think I was looking to him to reassure me that I was doing the right thing, only to find out that he wasn’t sure at first either. Year after year it became increasingly more obvious that some one had to be at home to raise our children and offer them stability. Due to his career he can’t be here with us everyday or even every week sometimes; however, because he has a wife he can jet around the world and be confident that he has someone to keep the home fires burning. He never has to worry about if someone can pick up the kids, or if someone can take his clothes to the dry cleaners, because he has me.
I want to make sure that if you’re reading this right now you know that you have value and you have worth. I want you to know that no other person could add what you bring to the people in your life. I want to tell you that I think you’re special and I’m so glad that God created you!
I would love for you ladies to share how you discovered your self-worth! Tell us how you came to realize that you were necessary and that your family couldn’t function the same without what you add to their lives?