The Privacy of Intimacy
Have you ever heard the saying that opposites attract? Well that could not be truer for my Husband and me. He’s a very relaxed laid back kind of person, nothing ever really ruffles his feathers, and he’s very patient and steady. I can honestly say that if He raises his voice it gets our attention because that’s just not the kind of man He is. He’s very steady and calm. My Husband is they type of man that when he speaks people generally listen because he doesn’t waste his words. I, on the other hand, can be pretty loud, especially when I’m having fun! I like a little back and forth banter because I can be a bit sassy sometimes. I adore laughing and talking, telling jokes, I even burst out singing from time to time and that’s also apart of how I communicate. If I’m not laughing and talking, giddy and joking, something is usually wrong with me and I may need to go to the doctor. I’m a bit high strung and being chill and relaxed is just not my natural mode of operation. The funny thing is, not only is my husband my exact opposite, but many of my closet friends are as well. I just seem to gravitate towards people who have characteristics that I do not.
This all got me to thinking about the concept of intimacy. Intimacy is about more than just being sexual with someone; it also means to have a detailed knowledge resulting from a close or long association or study. I the bible the term “Know or Knew,” could also be used when referring to a sexual relationship. Like saying and Adam, Knew his wife. When you think about it having an intimate knowledge of our Husbands should not just be limited to what we do in the bedroom. We should strive to have an intimate knowledge of them emotionally and spiritually. As wives we should make it a goal to strengthen that intimate emotional bond and spiritual connection that we have with our husbands just like we make our sex life a priority. I feel like it’s easy to see the sexual part of marriage as a priority, but what about the true connection? The connection that we share with their heart and soul, how can we nurture that aspect of intimacy?
1Peter3:7 admonishes the Husband to, “dwell with his wife according to knowledge…” Now even though He is talking to the Husbands here I think we as wives should receive this word as well. I truly love the fact that after my Husband and I got married I came to know him in a different way. I realized that if it we talked about the right things he had plenty to say. I found that even though he wasn’t always loud he would become loud if I told a really funny joke. I learned that when he made certain faces it meant that he was sleepy or irritated. I came to know him in a deeper more intimate way, and I truly cherish that. I love that I can look at him and know what he might be thinking without him ever saying a word. It makes me feel special that I have a more private relationship with him and know that he feels safe enough to be a different, freer person when he’s with me.
The question now becomes how do we create an environment where are Husbands feel safe enough to be like Samson and lay their heads in our lap, and tell us all their secrets? Well the first thing is we must not weary them like Delilah did! Of course I understand what Delilah did and who she was, but it is also important to note that something about her or her talents soothed some part of Samson because he kept coming back to her. Even though he should not have wanted her and should not have trusted her he did, even unto his own demise. Even now so many Men pay women to talk to them and be a companion to them because they crave intimacy so much that their willing to pay for it by the hour! The women who inspired the writer of Proverbs 31 was so good at meeting all of her Husband’s needs that it says He had no need of spoil. Hands raised if you want to be like the Proverbs 31 women, (throws hand in the air)! We probably all want to be our husband’s safe place, their comfort, their lap where they can tell their deepest secrets.
I believe that there are many ways we can foster this type of intimacy with our Husbands, but here are three things that I think we can put into practice right away. The first thing is by listening to them without judgement or harsh criticisms. We have to allow them to be open with us without attacking them for how they feel or what they might say while sharing with us. I know this is easier said than done, but we can’t expect them to get emotionally naked if we’re going to attack them the minute they become vulnerable. Second, I feel like we have to allow ourselves to be vulnerable as well. It could be that if we’re willing to be emotionally bare with them that it may encourage the same openness in return. Finally, I think we have to be willing to just focus on being attentive to His needs and just listen, don’t offer advice or take an opportunity to say, “I told you so.” You may not feel the need to go to these lengths in your own marriage to nurture that depth of intimate knowledge of your husband; you may feel like you already have this level of closeness in your marriage. Yet, I would ask you do you stop brushing your teeth because you don’t currently have any cavities? Do you not clean up your house because it’s already clean? Of course not, because you know that anything that you have has to be maintained, and the way you maintain things is by making sure they are well taken care of. If we only tried to encourage health after one became sick we would be being reactive instead of proactive.
Let’s be deliberate and vigilant about improving our relationships and strengthening our marriages. The bible warns us that we must give no opportunity to the devil, (Eph.4:27). Share your thoughts on how we can be more intentional about defending our marriages. If you like what you see be sure to comment, like and follow so you can get my post emailed to you every Mon. Wed. and Fri. I hope this post helped to start your week off right!